Anniversary

I was in bed yesterday, about to fall asleep and end the busy weekend when it hit me. I can't believe I forgot about it. One of the biggest, life changing days of my life, and I just forgot about it.

I'm not alone though. My family, husband, and friends (although, why would they have that date memorized?) forgot too.

Yesterday marked my 5 year anniversary. 5 YEARS!

What anniversary, you ask? The anniversary of the day that my life and body changed forever. The day that I woke up from a sigmoidoscopy and knew something wasn't right. The feeling of impending doom overtook me and I told my mom, "something isn't right, get the doctor." The nurses told me it was just gas and everything will be ok. I told them to get the doctor to me or I will start screaming.... that is how serious I was and how I knew something was wrong. I don't go throwing fits in hospitals, I was an adult.

Needless to say, I was right. I needed emergency surgery or I would die.

5 years ago yesterday was the day that I "woke up with" a colostomy and my life changed forever. I spent MONTHS in the hospital recuperating because I was septic. I had tubes down my nose into my stomach, tubes in my throat, oxygen, multiple IVs, the works. 5 years ago, I celebrated Christmas in the hospital. And while I cannot remember anything from the time the doctor told me I needed surgery until Christmas Eve, I will never forget anything that I experienced.

Generally, on December 18th, I take some time to reflect, have a small pity party, be thankful I'm still alive and realize that I am lucky to be where I am today. My parents were troopers for staying with me around the clock and I appreciate all that they had done for me during that time. My now husband and I had just started dating and he was even there for me every day after work.

Yet, this weekend was so busy with my sister's graduation, family being in town and errands that my very important anniversary (to me anyway) had been forgotten until 11:50pm last night. It makes me sad that I was unable to really reflect upon that day. It was a huge day in the history books for me and I like to acknowledge it. However, if I completely forgot about it all, then maybe my day was a good one? Either way, it has come and gone and I now sit here blogging about it.

I know there are other more important days to "celebrate" or have anniversaries over. But hey, if you didn't live it, you just don't know. And even though I no longer have this colostomy, (I now have a permanent ileostomy) I still think of December 18th as a day to remember. I experienced challenges and overcame them.

I usually don't pray all that often. I believe God has it out for me and I can't catch a break health wise. It's been almost 12 years since I've gone a whole year without complications. However, on December 18th, I generally pray and say thanks to Him for keeping me on this planet.

I am a good person, and while I don't agree with everything I've had to deal with, I am very thankful to be here to experience what life has to offer.

The Chaos of the Holidays

Why is it that this time of year is pure chaos?

The roads are busier, the malls are busier, my calendar is busier. When do I get a break or a day for me?

That doesn't look like it's coming for a while now. I am finally starting to get excited for Christmas, yet have so much to do! My list is not getting smaller, it is actually growing each day. There is one week left until Christmas Eve and I do not have my shopping finished.

Start stressing now!

I did, however, make time to have lunch with friends, see a broadway play in Detroit and spend an afternoon running errands with my husband. It all made up for the really bad start to my week.

Dinner in Detroit

I have never eaten at Fishbone's before. It was really good! The food was great, the wine sweet and the prices decent. My sister and I fully enjoyed our meals.


We then headed over to the Detroit Opera House and enjoyed our show from the balcony. I will never think of the Wizard of Oz in the same way again.

What a Wickedly Awesome show!

And now, I need to head to bed. My little sister graduates from college tomorrow morning and I have to be up early to watch it. Yes, I will be sleep deprived and probably crabby in the morning. However, I will definitely be a proud big sister when I hear her name called and she has that one moment when she realizes that the whole world is waiting for her as she walks across that stage!

Do you feel the holiday chaos, or is it just me?!

Awareness

How has December been for you, so far?

I has been quite exciting for me! Senate passed Resolution 199, making December 1-7 Crohn's and Colitis Awareness week! This is big news. Really, BIG! The fact that we are making it to the Senate and White House to help out the 1.4 million people suffering from this "embarrassing" ailment feel more comfortable speaking out and seeking treatment is definitely something to shout from the rooftops. We are hoping that this will accelerate proper diagnosis and treatment to those who have been misdiagnosed for years or have been ignoring their symptoms!

I proudly flashed this all over Facebook.

While I know I raise Awareness everyday and am not embarrassed to talk to others about my issues, other people may not feel the same way. I've been lucky enough to have an amazing support group throughout the years. My family, friends, and friends I've made through CCFA support groups have all been there with me through the highs and lows of my disease. In my family, we can talk about anything at the dinner table, including, but not limited to, bowels. Why be embarrassed? Didn't we all read the book, "Everyone Poops?"

We all do it. Don't try to say you don't!

Facebook groups were blowing up their Awareness for IBD. And I was loving every second of it!

I felt that way once.... but now, I know I can fight it!

Even magazines like Cosmo was trying to raise awareness.

Although, they did not hit the mark when it comes to ostomies. This story actually caused me to write an email to Cosmo telling them I am ashamed of the article and the woman trying to tell her story did not sound educated. (She has her Psy.D and is a therapist.) She made it seem like having an ostomy was the worst thing to happen to her in her entire life. While I may have felt that way at one point too, it saved my life and I am eternally grateful for it.

Read it here.

Yes, not everyone will love their ostomy. I know I hate mine. But I don't have the option to reverse mine. She describes her ostomy as a "poopbag" and after reversal "when I woke up from the last surgery and wasn't attached to the bag, it was the best feeling in the world."


Everyone who has to deal with issues like this deserves their own opinion and the right to share their story. However, as a therapist, you would think she would want to help remove the stigma ostomies have attached to them, as she had to live with one for awhile. She cheapened and degraded the ostomy community. For many, ostomies are as important to saving lives as pacemakers, blood transfusions and organ transplants. If everyone were to talk about their ostomy experience in such negative light, I'm fearful many people out there would choose to die rather than deal with it. The object of raising awareness is not to make people fearful, but to voice the support there is out there. I'm sorry Cosmo, but that story received a big thumbs down from the social network of supporters out there.

In brighter light, I follow this motivational blogger who lives in NYC. Her name is Ali and she also has Crohn's disease. Ali loves to run and is always trying to raise awareness of IBD. In fact, she has sold tshirts to help do so (and run in races for Team Challenge, part of CCFA's half marathon training program). While her shirts have been sold out for awhile now, they are available again! I am excited to say I am going to buy one. Check them out and place an order yourself if you are interested!

I am hoping to one day be a part of Team Challenge. Part of that is raising money to help find a cure. Maybe I can come up with some awesome tshirt design and have you all support me and raise awareness too. Stay tuned!


Please educate people on IBD. Let's not have Awareness just be one week long, but all year long!

Baby, It's Cold Outside!

Yesterday was the first snowfall of the year that stuck. Then it melted away today.

I hate admitting it, but waking up to snow on the trees was actually a really pretty sight. However, I was ecstatic it was not on the roads. For some reason, every winter, the lovely people of Michigan forget how to drive in the snow. I really don't understand why. It snows here 4-5 months of the year, EVERY YEAR. Oh well, I better get used to waking up earlier over the next 4 months. Or reteaching Michiganders how to drive. Not sure I have the time or the patience for the second one.

I finally pulled out my winter coat. And hat. And scarf/gloves/Ugg boots. I am also wearing leg warmers and a sweatshirt. Why? Because baby, it's cold outside!

I will be the first to admit I hate being cold and I hate the winter. It's cold and windy out. Not to mention I happen to be cold inside, too. The sun goes into hiding (although that is a plus for my sleeping habits!) and motivation levels tend to drop.  Apparently my puppy is even feeling the winter's affects already. He has been sleeping more over the last few weeks. Not sure if he's sick or just feeling blah due to the gloomy weather.

Sleepy puppy!

And while I am not a fan of being cold, in the month of December I don't mind it AS MUCH. Why might you ask? Because it is my favorite time of year! Christmas is coming!!!

I love the holidays. I love spending time with my family and decorating and buying presents... and of course getting them, but the wrapping/giving/seeing facial reactions to said gifts are better. I love the Christmas lights and holiday music! Everything about this time of year is great!

The Christmas lights are so pretty at night!

And thanks to my new found love of Pinterest, I have been buying supplies to make some wonderful Christmas gifts this year. Now is as good of time as any to get crafty! I think my husband is freaking out about the money I'm spending, but he's super happy I've found a new hobby. I'll let you know how it all goes.

Until then, bundle up and stay warm, because baby, it's cold outside!

What It's Like to Have Support

For those of you out there who are struggling with life situations, make sure you have a great support system.

It doesn't matter if you are deciding to change college majors or buy a home. It can be something small or big or even huge, like struggling with health issues.

When you surround yourself with wonderful people, the big things don't always seem as big because you have people there sharing that burden with you. You can talk to them, cry with them, listen for advice or just have them there for a familiar face. The little things that those supportive people do for you during your struggle will mean more to you in the future than at the given second they are there. Why? Because you don't want to dwell on the miserable, but will always remember the struggles you went through to get to where you are today.

I can honestly say I have one great support system. Other people were better at it than others, but I will always remember the love, hugs, and support I received during my lowest times.

If you care to read about one of my stories, feel free here.


If you don't feel comfortable talking to friends or family about your current situation or crisis, check out your community's support groups. There are a ton out there and I will be the first to admit I've gone to many of these! I made great friends and know they can relate to exactly what I have gone through.

Just remember, you are never alone! All you have to do is talk. :-)

The Holiday Spirit

It's that time of year again!

The time of year when it's ok to shop to your heart's content.

The time of year when Christmas decorations are coming out of storage and placed in that "perfect" spot.

The time of year when you begin to bring out winter coats, mittens, scarves and hats.

The time of year when every weekend is booked until the New Year.

And to think.... this happens for most Americans. I am definitely one of them!

It started with the Thanksgiving holiday. Yummy food was consumed, Black Friday shopping was done, creativity kicked into full gear, and memories were made with family and friends. The sad part? I DIDN'T HAVE A CAMERA!

It was being repaired. And the other sad part? It came back on Saturday. Oh well. I have the memories, right? Still, candid shots of those memories would have been nice....

This past holiday weekend was exactly what the doctor ordered. Rest, relaxation, family and shopping. Oh, and a 10 year high school reunion with some of the best Ramblers out there!

While this post may not be a long one, or have pictures in it, I sure do hope you can see in this post that I was "healthy" enough to enjoy a Thanksgiving feast without fear.

Yes, I do believe the Remicade has kicked in and my body has thoroughly enjoyed 7 nights off of midnight working. We shall all see how long this lasts!

Do keep your fingers crossed. :-)


What was the best part of your Thanksgiving holiday??

It's the Little Things

I could be having the worst possible day. A day so bad that I don't want to change out of my pajamas, leave the house, answer my phone OR check Facebook. Yup, that bad.

And yet, something so small has the power to turn that frown upside down. Let me share a couple of things that have potential to cheer me up on a bad day.

 A ball of fur. Yup, fur. This little ball of fur will be brought up numerous times throughout my blogging career. He is cute and playful and I love him. He definitely helps cheer me up. Plus, he's the only free "person" during normal working hours.

"Smile," he says!

Really bad-for-you food. Even if this normally makes me feel like crap afterward. (How could I eat that?!? It's clogging my arteries!) However, during the consumption of said bad food, its taste is enough to cheer me up for a good 15 minutes. Then I need to take that ball of fur out for a few dozen long walks. Because a moment of this food on the lips, forever on my hips!

I splurged and hit up Dunkin Donuts on my way home from work. Coffee was home brewed. Mmm whip cream!

All free! Thank you Monopoly game piece instant winners! Yummmmmm.

A good conversation. One that has you laughing helps too, of course!

A good conversation. (Not a typo.) Especially when you have dinner with friends you haven't talked to in almost a decade and conversation flows like no time has passed. I miss hanging out with you and I am super glad life is treating you both well. Can't wait for the next one!

Snail mail. Do people even remember what this is?!? With emails and Facebook invites, I feel that the world is forgetting the excitement we all experienced getting letters in the mail as a child. Yes, it's quicker the internet way and stamps are getting more and more expensive. Personal letters are, and will always be, the best. I love getting the mail. Now, I do put it aside when I know it's bills, advertising, etc., but that one note in the mail, whether it's a thank you or birthday card, makes my day!

A clean house. Haha, it's not as clean as I want it majority of the time, but when it's clean, really clean, I am one happy girl!

Leg warmers. We have decided to try and not turn the heat up as high [as I like it] this winter. That means I'm going to be cold. I heart my new leg warmers and am excited to wear them. Especially since it's getting cooler outside. Brrrr!

Hiding under my jeans are stylish and warm leg warmers!

 Crock pots. Yes, I have 2 of them. There are some amazing recipes out there and I love the easy clean up! With my new found time, I have decided to cook more often and I think that makes a happy husband. Using the crock pot still allows me to cook, however I don't have to be home or stuck in the kitchen the entire time the food is making itself tasty. It's a win-win situation for me. Home-cooked meals and easy clean up? What's not to love about a Crock pot?

A good book. I am not the biggest reader, but I love a good book. My friend just invited me to join GoodReads and there are a lot of good books out there! I can't wait to become a bookworm. To live in another "world" for a couple of hours a day is not only a nice change, it's good for the brain. I'm also attempting to prevent dementia and Alzheimer's. Ask me in 40 years if it worked.

Pinterest. What is this you say? It's this amazing website that has everything from pictures of cute animals to recipes and craft ideas. It is awesome! Sometimes I have to pry myself away from this website to accomplish adult-like things like cleaning and cooking.

"No I haven't seen your lipstick"... found on Pinterest.

 An unexpected surprise. My husband doesn't like Valentine's day, so I don't expect flowers on February 14th. However, when he comes home from work on a random day with a bouquet in hand, that is the best surprise! I love things like that! Yes, I say I love surprises... however, as I tried to explain to my husband, that means I have no clue about said surprise. If it's my birthday week and I know you bought me something, I will bug you until you A) give it to me or B) tell me what it is. I can't help it! I don't like waiting!!! But when I really am not expecting something, I have the biggest smile ever and my heart gets all warm knowing I was thought of. For example, I came home from work Halloween morning to a Halloween card, a bag of my favorite candies, and a couple of random things we needed around the house that we continued to forget every week while shopping. So thoughtful and a total surprise. Definitely cheered me up after a long work night.

Pink lipstick. Yes, this cheers me up. I can't always pull off fun colors because of my complexion and hair color, but I love me some pink lips. Does it look that bad???

Pink lipstick is the best!

These little things can change my day. They are simple and inexpensive. Some are time consuming, others mindless activities. In the end, I don't care what they may be, I only care that they can cheer me up. I'd rather have wrinkles around my mouth and eyes from smiling too much than from frowning.

Fun fact: You burn more calories smiling than frowning. I'll gladly smile over the little things in life.

What are the little things that cheer you up??

A Good Story

Everyone has a story to tell. We all spend our lives telling them. We talk about this and that, about people and things.  Some you will always remember, while others you forget. Some are so good, you never want them to end. Sometimes a story may bring you to laughter or even tears. What makes a good story? One that makes you feel.

Like most people, I have plenty of stories to share. Many have heard some, while others aren't as privileged. I will give you a snippet of a conversation I had with a patient this morning. You tell me how you think the story goes....

Me: How do you feel?
Patient: *smirk on face* I feel with my fingers.
Me: What a coincidence! Me too!!

A couple of sentences are exchanged laughing about his response.

Me: What about pain... are you having any chest pains?
Patient: Oh, no, I haven't had any of that while I've been here. Just some lower back pain.
Me: **thought bubble: His admission diagnosis is chest pain?! WTH?!?**

Does this look provocative?!?

This patient is sitting on the side of the bed, talking with his roommate, to whom I am also caring for. They have some stuff in common and are very excited over this. His roommate is currently experiencing hypertension. I just gave additional blood pressure medications per a verbal order.

Me: Would you like me to help move your IV pole to the other side so you don't have to hold the IV tubing?
Patient: Nah. But you could pole dance for me.

How do you think the rest of the story goes??

Once, I had a patient tell me that I shouldn't bother caring for her. I was born a redhead and that meant I was the devil's child. Being a nurse and doing good for people would not help me get into heaven.

Wow! That definitely left me speechless for a minute. And while compassionate caring is my job, so is customer service. I am not allowed to say anything rude or there are consequences. I went about my business and just told myself she was an old, sick lady and I should not take it to heart. To this day, I still chuckle over it. Some people have guts! And if you are thinking what I'm thinking.... yes, I am envious they have those guts. I'm missing some over here....

I can tell you stories about my experiences as a patient at the hospital I currently work for. Some good, some bad. I can share stories about the fears I had, the tests that were done, the drug-induced proposing I did... Being a patient at this hospital over the last 11 years has definitely exposed me to the patient world.

And those stories are the reason why I am an RN today.

And while this career is challenging, and very often exhausting, I feel I am a great RN. I have so much compassion for patients that I end up in tears most nights. Hang on, that could also be the midnight schedule talking for me. Nah, I really do care. Sometimes I care too much. And to think, they aren't even related to me!! Can you imagine how I would treat you if you were my patient?

The previously mentioned patient who asked me to pole dance for him also asked me a serious question during my shift. He asked me how long I have been a nurse. How I answer this question is extremely important.  I'm always cautious as I don't want them to think I'm incompetent because I'm new to the field. To me, it's an advantage to have a newer RN care for you. We go out of our way to make sure everything is done and you are in the best health possible. Our education is still fresh and we don't want to mess up. We aren't afraid to ask for a second opinion or call the physician when we deem necessary.

Rescue Ninja!

In the case of this patient, I asked him to guess. His response made me smile and gave me a confidence boost. At that point, I decided not to actually tell him. His words will forever stick with me and I wanted him to believe what he thought.

Because from time to time, us nurses don't hear how Awesome we truly are often enough.

I wish I could tell my story to all of my patients. Explain to them that I do understand what they are feeling and tell them I know how frustrating and anxious the whole hospital experience is. If it's going to create a better relationship with my patient, why not?!

I have only shared my story once. Why just once? Well, besides the fact that there are time restraints and I have multiple patients with multiple issues and I love to talk... I haven't felt the need to explain. They need to worry about getting better and I don't need their sympathy. Deep down I just want them to know I actually understand their side of the medical experience. (I also don't feel every patient would take it that way.) So instead, I keep it at the front of my mind to help remind me that I have had bad care and don't want them to experience that. I want to show them what an Awesome RN is like, and although they may not always think I'm Awesome, I sure do give 110% every shift.

I look forward to the many crazy/fun/memorable/emotional stories that my career will give me. I know there will be plenty more. And those patient experiences can make one hell of a story. I'm waiting for them...

Do you have a story to share??

A is for....

A. The first letter of the Alphabet. It's pretty powerful, being in the number 1 spot. I wonder if "A" knows it?

That mighty first-letter-of-the-Alphabet is also the first letter of some pretty powerful words. Here are some examples:

Abnormality
Absolute
Absent
Accomplishment
Annoying
Angry
Awesome

I also know Abdomen. It may not be powerful to you, but it sure is mighty powerful to me.

I'm Assuming you all know by now that I have CD. Obviously. Well, maybe not. Maybe you didn't read my first post. Anyway, my Abdomen has some power over my very existence in the world. It can control me from time to time, telling me what to eat and not eat via messages it sends to my brain and TJ. It tells me when to slow down and when to seek Assistance from the doctor. While I try not to let it control me, sometimes I just give in. I take it as a sign that I need to slow down and Actually take care of my health. I don't let it define who I am, but try to make it part of the entire me. Because, let's face it, I would be in a very different place had I not been diagnosed with CD. Good or bad... I'll never know.

Now, here comes the tricky part. The others words listed Above tie into the mighty word Abdomen. Yup, it's true! Of course, those words have other reasons to be used in my every day vocabulary, but I'll try to just focus on the topic at hand.

Abnormality. This one should be pretty simple to figure out. My Abdomen is Abnormal, so you can say I have an Abnormality. Food, stress, the weather... they all can create mayhem to my Abnormal Abdomen. I have learned how to deal with it over the course of the years, however I do envy those that are normal. Ha! Is there really such a thing as normal? No. I don't think so. But to me, being normal means I don't have CD and I can eat what I want. Oh, to dream!

Vodka, anyone??

Absolute. Just that word Alone, you may think immediately of vodka. I know I would. However, we are talking about my Abdomen here, not a martini or cocktail or whatever your vodka beverage of choice may be. (Plus, it's not spelled the same way :-( Sorry.) CD is Absolute. There is NO cure. So, I am "stuck" with it forever. Or at least until they find a cure. I try to stay up to date on the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America, or CCFA, and fundraise to help find that cure. They have this awesome running program called Team Challenge that I am highly considering joining. You raise money (and lots of it) and train for a half marathon. Yup, 13.1 miles. Best part? They cover your expenses for 3 days of travel to participate! It seems pretty cool, and after my first half marathon experience (Although I told myself I would never do that Again), I really would love to meet others who have CD and see more of our country! (Also, I'm secretly trying to get rid of the link between Absolute and my Abdomen. And I don't mean filling it with vodka.)


 Absent. From time to time, I will be Absent from events. Not because I want to be, but because my Abdomen tells me I need to. When I tell you I am no longer going to make said event, don't go cursing me when I hang up the phone or after your read your email. Know that I would personally prefer to be hanging out with people doing fun things, rather than sitting at home in bed or on the couch with a heating pad, medication, and a cute puppy wishing I could be there. Ask if I'm okay. People no longer Ask me why I may have to cancel. People just say, "okay, sorry you can't come." Really people? Maybe a little sympathy or words of encouragement are more of what I need to hear, rather than "okay." Okay??

Half marathon proof :-)

 Accomplishment. Even with said Abdominal issues, I still feel like I've Accomplished some pretty big things in my life. For example, I graduated from high school with honors, graduated from college twice with honors, was president of a sorority, started a career, and ran my first half marathon! While it may not seem like that long of a list (I'm sure there is more, however these are the big ones in my mind), it's quite the Accomplishment for me! Not only did I have to deal with my Abdomen every single step of the way, including, but not limited to hospitalizations, surgeries, stress, etc., but I managed to rock it out, despite my health. My new favorite word that I feel is a strength? Perseverance. I know it doesn't start with an A, however I feel it suits me perfectly. What do you think?

 Annoying. I'm not exactly sure I need to explain why I feel my Abdomen is Annoying. It's Annoying because it causes pain. It's Annoying because of TJ. It's Annoying because it won't Allow me to eat foods I used to love and now am secretly Afraid of. CD is plain ole ANNOYING. I think that sums it up.

Angry. Yes, this word fits. I am Angry I have to deal with my Abdomen on a daily/hourly basis and the whole CD and TJ thing. I'm Angry because I'm a good person and never thought I would have to live with such issues. People Always say God doesn't give you more than you can handle, however what do they know? Who Actually knows I'm handling it? So yeah, I'm Angry. Nonetheless, I put on my smiley face and carry about my daily life, hoping something good will come my way and help me forget about me being Angry about my Abdomen. Maybe I should be an Actress?!?! No, but really, I will Always be Angry deep down, however most of the time, my happy/smiley face is the real thing. Over the years I have learned to Accept it, even when it does bring me down, and try to remind myself that I would not be where I am today if things were different. I guess my Anger about my Abdomen is a blessing in disguise? I'm still trying to figure it out. Stay tuned.

Awesome. With all that being said, I have an Awesome support system. I have the most wonderful family members in the world. Super, supportive parents/husband/sister/in-laws, etc and I could not have Asked for better people to be there for me unconditionally. Well, they are kind of forced on occasion, since they ARE family. Hehe. But in all seriousness, I am lucky to have them. I also have pretty Awesome friends. Over the years, I have learned who are truly the Awesome ones and let the others go. My Absolute closest friends know they are Awesome. But maybe I should tell them more often? Yes, I will work on that.

From time to time, I even think I'm pretty Awesome. Oh yeah, then my Abdomen knocks me back down to reality and reminds me that I still have to work on that. No joke. 

Those words that start with the first letter of the Alphabet are mighty powerful in my life. Every day is a new Adventure. Every day is a new opportunity for me to work on being Awesome. And every day is a new day to remind me that I should not dwell on the negative A-words, but focus on the positive ones and persevere. Because remember? It's my new word. :-)

Moonlight

For most, sleep comes naturally when the sun sets and the moon rises. Yes, even when there is a New Moon, or the moon phase that reflects no light, majority of the world sleeps. I, on the other hand, don't always have that privilege.

My favorite form of a moon. Maybe I'm biased because it's my sorority's symbol?

For example, I worked the dreaded graveyard shift last night. I have a love/hate relationship with my career. I love that I have a career and receive a paycheck. That's always nice and I'm sure my husband appreciates it as well. I love helping people (even more so when they are grateful and appreciative and not yelling or ordering me around like I'm a waitress. I quit that job for a reason, dear patient). I love having a teamwork environment. My night shift coworkers are nothing short of amazing (well, most of the time, the job is stressful) and are very supportive when I need assistance or begin second guessing myself. Things are generally "slower" from time to time, which allows for more teamwork building exercises, aka helping me do tasks I have never completed before. I hate the fact that my family and friends are all at home, tucked into bed dreaming away, while I am forced to drink ungodly amounts of caffeine to stay awake and work. I hate that I have a hard time sleeping during the the day hours when the light is so bright, even the black garbage bags taped to my windows is not enough to prevent all forms of daylight in, hence hindering my ability to sleep. (Totally sounds classy, I know.) I hate that I sometimes miss out on fun activities because I'm either at work or sleeping. And man, I require a lot of sleep!

I should invest in one of these. Not sure it would matter though.

I am, however, extremely grateful for my daytime cuddle buddy. Today, for example, he kept me warm and did not disturb me. He is mighty cute. All women should be jealous.

He is always excited to see me when I get home and always willing to take naps with me. I am one lucky girl.  

Come on, you know you just want to say "awwwe!"

Not only am I grateful for him, I am grateful that Fall has arrived. And that Winter is coming. Why, might you ask, since Summer is my favorite season? Because it is darker, cloudier, and colder outside and I don't feel like I'm missing out on life. Sad, I know, but hey, whatever works to get some good sleep in. 

On the other hand, I am not grateful for Fall. (A new love/hate relationship.) Fall and CD must have a pact. A pact to make me miserable and dread the changing of the leaves and need to pull out my fall coat. Every October/November CD starts misbehaving. I'm not sure if it's CD's way of reminding me that it exists, especially when I have gone almost 12 months without any major complications. Yeah, you can say I've been in remission. You can say the medications are working. Or you can say that CD and TJ decided last year it was time for me to have a break.

Well, that was until Fall arrived.

Now, I know I should partially blame this midnight job. My body can't keep up with my switching schedules. Being an RN is great because you only have to work a couple 12 hour shifts a week. However, when it's midnights, and you have to switch your sleeping schedule multiple times throughout a given week, it becomes confused. So, not only am I tired all the time, but I have bad heartburn and CD is back with a vengeance. Luckily for me, I was able to complete my 12 hour shift saving lives, walk down the hall to the clinic, and get poked with an IV for my medicine. Today was Remicade day!

I am usually not a huge fan of this day. I've been on this medication for the last 10 years, and although it helps tremendously, it's not always convenient. I sit in a chair for 3+ hours with an IV infusing, not able to do much. And the drug makes me sleepy. So I am now trying to kill 2 birds with 1 stone (who came up with that phrase, it isn't very nice) by arranging them on days after I work. I can sleep while I'm getting the drug and save on some gas. Win-win, right? Right.

Now I just cross my fingers that it kicks in overnight (because I get to sleep during normal people hours tonight) so I can tackle that to-do list I had the other day.  Oh, and eat normal food again. :-)

Hello salad! I miss you and now crave you...

Until then, I'm going to enjoy the next 7 nights off and enjoy them as a normal (non-midnight working) person and go to bed at a reasonable hour and accomplish more during the day. That was a lot of "ands." Oh, and savor the moonlight from home. :-)

CD and TJ go hand in hand

When CD is acting up, so is TJ. They are best friends. Whatever one is doing, the other follows. While most would think this is sweet, I only like this relationship when they are behaving.

Over the last few days they have not been on the good behavior list. If they were in elementary school, they would have had to turn over their cards and put their heads down on the table for a time out. Sometimes I wish I had powers to make them behave by doing something as simple as that. But instead, I sit on the couch, eating nothing but soup and mashed potatoes, wishing they would behave so I can tackle my to-do list.

Now, you may be asking who CD and TJ are. I could give you the entire story, but I don't really think you would want to read this blog for that long. So I will give you the short one instead. CD has been part of my life for the last 11 years. CD is short for Crohn's Disease. Throughout my journey with CD, I have had ups and downs, but the lowest part of this journey was when I was hospitalized due to an emergency surgery. After 3 operations, TJ joins me. TJ is my ileostomy and it is a "boy" because boys are gross and girls are pretty and delicate. There is NOTHING pretty or delicate about an ostomy. But TJ has allowed me to continue to live and I will give him credit for that.

This blog is here for me to share my journey and hopefully give others the courage to do the same if they have an autoimmune disease. I will talk about my loves, my career, my life and how CD and TJ can affect it all. But I will persevere. Suffering from a health condition should not define who you are, only force yourself to be the best you can be given the circumstances.